Hey Olivia! I am so sorry for your miscarriages. It is not easy for anyone to bear so much pain. I can imagine the mental stress you go through every day. I hope you are putting up with such grief strongly, love. Remember you can always talk out your feelings on such forums. We are there to console you and guide you because that is the maximum we can do. Peace is what must be missing from your life. I am an infertile woman myself, so I can totally relate to your situation. It is so hard to fall asleep sometimes. However, I would suggest you distract yourself. I am opting for surrogacy too. It will be a great experience I am sure. You must be excited for this and please try to get the thoughts about your past out of your mind. My Prayers are with you. God bless.