I’m so sorry this is happening!! It took me a while to get pregnant and we thought about my partner trying, and I also felt like it would be so sad for me. So I haven’t been there but can relate a little bit.
I think the Lactaid is better than the SNS, although if your baby won’t take a bottle she may not take a different breast. Also in my experience, the SNS was very challenging. I would meet with a lactation consultant to discuss options, there are lots of ways besides a bottle to feed a baby. Finger feeding worked well for us, where the baby sucks on a finger with a syringe or tiny tube and eats that way. You can also feed by cup or spoon. I think your best bet is meeting with someone who can demonstrate those things and give you more options.