You are going through a really hard time. No one can understand it better than you. Naturally women want to give birth by themselves. Knowing that you cannot be one of those women can be very depressing and hard to accept. So its okay if you feel a little pessimistic. No one should judge you for that. I have been through a similar trial too. I had to go through hysterectomy when I was diagnosed with cancer. I lost all chances of conceiving. I was devastated. Thankfully, we did not give up. Instead, we turned to surrogacy. Now we are about to become parents of two baby girls. Yes, surrogacy may be expensive. The chances of success may not be a 100%. But it still is a blessing. I think you should look at surrogacy success stories to get a better idea.