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Reply To: Daughter acts ok at my house but acts out at mothers and grandparents

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#6596
Stormi
Participant

Around the age of 4 to 6, all children develop a sense of self and self-efficacy. From the perspective of the parents, children that were easy to direct before now become contrary. At the same time a child that age cannot express her frustrations well without resorting to tears or. If the frustration is bad, a tantrum. Around the age of 6 or 7, children develop the ability to understand and care about another person’s wishes and needs. Then the “unwarranted” and extreme outbursts stop. All of this is a process and not something that happens overnight, so of course your child’s behavior will slowly get “better” in the coming months. So, first of all don’t expect your child to be able to suppress her frustration and discuss her wants with you like an adult would. The tantrum is okay, it is her way of saying: I really don’t want this. Just as you expect other people to accept that you don’t agree with them. Accept that your child does not agree with you. She just cannot express it in a civilized manner. Second, following from your understanding that your child’s behavior is totally normal and in tune with her current developmental abilities. There is no need to get upset about your child’s emotional outburst. Distance yourself from it. It is not you, who is frustrated and gets upset, but your child. Just as you would be expected to deal with an adult saying that he does not like what you want of him and feels sad or angered. You must be able to accept that your child is of a different opinion.