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Reply To: Dealing With Childrens Misbehaviour

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Children do not need to cry, to be hurt, to be shamed, or to shout “uncle” in order to learn the lesson you are trying to impart. The discipline (from the Latin root word which means learning or teaching) that is needed should be just that — the lesson that teaches not to do that again. It is a lesson that cultivates self-discipline. Remind yourself that this is an opportunity for you teach and for your child to learn. Often children have to do the wrong thing on their way to doing the right thing. And yes, for that there is a consequence.Let the child know that whatever the behavior was, you are stopping it. Remove the child from the scene of the crime. Say as little as possible. “There is no throwing balls in the living room!” using your low, slow, icy voice. Mean business. Remove and isolate your child to a safe place away from you and the scene. No words. The key is to DISENGAGE. Do not give your attention of any kind, negative or positive. Nothing. When you have both come back to planet Earth, even as long as an hour later depending upon the age of the child (the younger the child, the shorter the time), do your revisit. Have a short, direct conversation (and it may be one-sided) about what happened and what will happen as a result. Remember, parenting by imposing fear is neither healthy nor effective. You and your child need to be on the same team. You are both trying to get him to the same place, the place of making thoughtful, good choices for himself. And the very first chance you get, catch him doing the right thing. Praise works better than punishment and a whole lot better than spanking.