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Reply To: Benefits of telling children where they are from

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As a parent, you’re well aware of how detail-oriented children will be. Children whose family looks a bit different from others may start to question how they came to be. As they start to get older, children become well aware that two dads or a single mom don’t fit the standard equation. If your child was conceived via gay surrogacy or another form of surrogacy, it’s important to have the “How was I born?” discussion as soon as possible. This will allow your child to normalize the process and be comfortable and prideful in their own story. For some parents, the idea of telling their child they were conceived in a non-traditional way can be scary. Yet, research has shown that keeping your child’s origin a secret can impact not only the child but the parents as well. One study found that children born via surrogacy have “higher level of adjustment difficulties” and mothers who kept their child’s origin a secret had “higher levels of distress.” Not explaining your child’s true origin can cause feelings of guilt, shame, and distrust. It may also cause them to view surrogacy in a negative light. Knowing how we came to be gives us a sense of trust, self-esteem, and, most importantly, identity.