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- This topic has 27 replies, 26 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by Lizzy.
May 12, 2018 at 3:13 pm #2071StormiParticipant
When someone asks questions like, ”Do you have children?”, ”Do you want children?” or ”Are you trying to get pregnant?” They are typically trying to be friendly and make conversation. People you meet don’t intend to cause you pain or discomfort when they ask questions about children. However, these questions can be painful. Especially when you are not expecting them and are not sure how to answer them. Like most women, you probably view infertility as a private experience. You may feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, or ashamed to discuss the fertility support and treatment you’re getting with family or friends. You may struggle with whether to keep aspects of infertility diagnosis and treatment confidential or to share this information with certain family members and friends who have been sensitive and supportive. This is a common dilemma for many couples, and there are important relationship dynamics to consider.May 12, 2018 at 3:37 pm #2079Sarah WilliamsParticipant
Hi Stormi! I really support you. You’re so right and strong at all. I really wish you all the best! I’ve been where you’re now! But, still, hope is high. I also think that you shouldn’t give up anyway! I’m having an IVF this year at a repro center in Ukraine. Because I still want to have a child. Don’t be disheartened. Stay strong! Just remain calm…I think you can do it. You still can seek other options dear? I know it’s tough to struggle but still has ways out. Write me back! If I can be of any help.May 14, 2018 at 12:20 pm #2109AnonymousInactive
These type of questions really hurt someone who is infertile or is TTC. This type of questions shouldn’t be asked by someone who is already having issues with TTC. I have been also asked these kind of questions many time.
Now at the age of 43 i am married again to someone else and we want a baby of our own.
I know at this age it is quite difficult to have a baby off my own womb.
Thinking of previous complications regarding pregnancy i would not try to be pregnant again.
From my last marriage i had many complications regarding pregnancy.
I don’t have any other options left so far so surrogacy is the only solution to my problems i guess.
My husband agreed for surrogacy so i started looking for clinics with good surrogacy records.
I founded many clinics regarding surrogacy and i picked up the few clinics too for further discussion with them.
I contacted many clinics and told them every aspect of our complications.
From their satisfied answers i guess some clinics are the best solution for having a baby.
So i suggest that you people should also do your own research regarding surrogacy and should contact different clinics for further details.
Everytime miscarriage happened to me.
But i’m worried about many other aspects like my behaviour towards the baby after knowing everything.
Like when the baby grows up what i should tell him/her.
So i persuaded my husband to go for surrogacy to have our own children.
Someone raising a child via surrogacy should share their experience.May 14, 2018 at 3:04 pm #2113AnonymousInactive
These questions are not good to be asked by someone who has already problems while TTC.
I have been trying to conceive from last 10 years now.Until now i don’t had any luck with it.
I had several attempts of IVF and IUI.But i failed at them too.I don’t know whats the main cause for these.
I contacted a number of clinics regarding my infertility issue.But the doctors can’t also find the main cause for my infertility.
The doctors are also not sure that whats the main cause for infertility.They also can’t tell that should i’ll have a baby naturally or not.
So i am getting old now and i guess keep on waiting is not a good idea.I got suggestions from my friends to go for surrogacy.They say that i can have a baby via surrogacy.
I don’t know much about surrogacy but i searched about it over the web and found that many people are going for it to have a baby.
But as i live in Bulgaria.Here surrogacy is totally ban.I don’t know what to do.
From forums i came to hear about that Ukraine has many good clinics regarding surrogacy.
I think i should move to Ukraine for surrogacy now.
If someone has experience about surrogacy please guide me.May 14, 2018 at 3:53 pm #2122Joanne SilviaParticipant
Hey! I hope you’re well. This is such a brilliant post. I love that you’ve raised such an important question. You’re very honest, in this regard. It’s a feeling that almost every infertile woman experiences. I have experienced it many times as well. You can’t help feeling sad. I started avoiding social meetups back when I had my miscarriages. I saw a psychologist too. She helped me, a lot. It wasn’t long before I realized that this is a situation that we need to embrace. We have to accept our situation. Similarly, people need to realize that this is a problem that a lot of people struggle with. They shouldn’t look down on us. Neither do we need their pity.May 15, 2018 at 4:54 pm #2142Jessica fieldsParticipant
I second your thoughts. This is indeed a dilemma. The couple is already going through a lot and then questions like these. It makes the situation worse. I think the information should only be shared with very close people. I went for IVF but kept it confidential. I just informed my very close friends and family before leaving for Europe.May 16, 2018 at 8:45 am #2163EllenParticipant
Hi beautiful. Hope you are doing great. This is one of the brilliant posts I have read today. I really support your views. The infertile women must not be asked such questions. They are already going through a lot of pain. Questions like these further add to their sufferings. People must know the quality of the question they are asking. They should see what is the right time to ask them. Anyways, Thanks for sharing this. Take care.May 17, 2018 at 4:40 pm #2201ezabelParticipant
Yes, you are right dear! These questions that often random people ask us might not be to hurt our emotions. But that’s the vibes we get as we are into such state of emotion that every single word could affect us deeply.
Like if I say hearing news of someone having a baby would definitely make you sad or may be jealous.
There is nothing like we want something bad for others. We are happy for each one having babies. But we feel sad over our condition.
This is what TTC does to all of us. And we just can’t feel appropriate, sharing our life with others. Neither about the fertility treatments we are taking. We expect this to stay confidential.
We are not sure about what might they think of the treatments we are considering.
I wished to open up many times but often failed to do us. I am not that good in all such things. Hope the Treatments that infertile women’s considering would turn out to be good.May 17, 2018 at 5:11 pm #2207Julia ChristineParticipant
Hey! It’s me, Julie. I hope you will be fine.
Exactly, you are right. But I think people don’t have right to ask such questions. It is the decision of the couple whether to conceive or not. I think some people who are suffering from infertility or other health issues mind on such questions. It should not be asked. It’s a private matter. Everyone has their own circumstances and aspects. It’s not necessary that they are infertile, maybe they are facing some financial issues or may not mentally prepared to conceive. If you are in a joint family system, you know you may facing such conditions. People are very curious to expect these things but they don’t have to ask. It may hurt someone. People should live freely.
That’s my opinion.
I hope you got my point.
Thank you.May 22, 2018 at 1:57 pm #2344CaseyParticipant
I can relate for sure hunnie. Regarding my age I’m always facing people who want to ask questions like these. I find it insulting and don’t get why most think it’s okay to ask such personal things. Lately I came across a study devoted to infertility perception in society and you know it was quite interesting. Fertile people often treat those with infertility as if they have kind of dicease they take to heart. Whereas infertile people judge those who are pregnant or have many children as if they think they don’t deserve having kids and it’s unfair to them. Basically I agree, because everytime I hear my mates are getting pregnant, I feel much worse and it’s not the thing I can share with anyone as one hardly believes such things could be understood. After years, I’m just trying not to think about others much and focus on my own life, and happy to say it worksMay 24, 2018 at 5:10 pm #2428SjParticipant
Hi, Stormi, I hope you are fine. It’s a very common thing for people. To ask such questions. Because of they can’t understand the pain of infertility. Most of the people put all the burden on females. In some cases, males are also infertile. But it’s easy for them to put blame on females. But my Freind you have to be strong. Tell them that it’s your life your choice. Tell those people to keep their nose out of your matter.be happy with whatever you have. You will have children soon. Trust me and be strong. Ignore what people say. Till then best of luckMay 27, 2018 at 12:28 pm #2453AnonymousInactive
Stormi, you have discussed an important aspect or feeling of a real person who is struggling with TTC. Men are also affected by the interrogation of people regarding the TTC. Whatever, you have mentioned can only be understood by the one who is struggling or been through the TTC struggle. And some want to keep it private, or some open up with the struggle just to let people know the reality of the journey. People should not go all judgmental whenever a couple is having problems with TTC or not even planning to. What I think is that none should get affected by what people say as long as you know you are doing right. Good luck Stormi.May 29, 2018 at 2:47 pm #2487kim01Participant
I know how much it is hurtful. Really infertility takes alot out of a woman. I always wanted to have babies. But sometimes something is not with us for better. I lost my 3 unborn babies. I had uterine polyps which left me infertile. I wasted my 5 years in treatment. I never thought that getting pregnant would be that much difficult. Now I have babies. I went to a clinic in Europe. I chose surrogacy for me. I never thought about this method but now I have no more worries. I am happy that I chose it. I am a happy mother I got my baby. I hope this would be helpful for other mothers too. I hope you’ll find your happiness soon.May 29, 2018 at 3:11 pm #2489milaParticipant
I know the amount it is hurtful. Truly infertility is hard to overcome for a lady. I generally needed to have babies. In any case, now and again something isn’t with us for better. I have faced infertility for 10 years. The reason for my infertility was unknown. I squandered many years in treatment. I never felt that getting pregnant would be that much troublesome. Presently I have babies. I went to a clinic in Europe. I picked surrogacy for me. I never contemplated this strategy however now I have no more stresses. I am glad that I picked it. I am a cheerful mother I got my child. I seek this would be useful for different moms as well. I trust you’ll discover your joy soon.May 31, 2018 at 6:49 pm #2580monikaParticipant
Hey there thank you for creating this post. I recently was asked by a stranger “how many children I have?’ and also “what activities do I have planned for them?” Now, obviously, he didn’t know I was fighting this infertility battle. However, it did break me apart I did answer very kindly but had to rush home. My DH made me realize that people obviously don’t know the full story so I shouldn’t ruin my day but it truly not in my hands. Sometimes infertility journey can be so difficult to deal with and I hate it every single moment. I hope all those who are struggling are able to conceive.
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