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    Ruqaya Baumann

    How do I deal with my 6 year old who has been acting badly. Since I filed to get him full custoday after 2 years of divorcing the dad. But now my x husbands wife according to my son ( hit) him. His behavior became bad when he comes from his dad’s house also now he’s not good at his first year of school. My son is stressed out from something serious he says he won’t go to his dad house. As much as I would love for that to happen. But in the meantime I am in a critical situation. I need help with dicpline him with out hurting his feelings or making him feel worse than he already does. Thank you

    Phil Ives

    That sounds like a rough situation, I am sorry about that. I know coming from a household like that Id often have trouble and that therapy was a huge help to speak to a third party without pressure. When my mom and dad first separated it was hard to not feel like if I opened up to one of them that I wasn’t picking sides so I ended up internalizing everything. It was hard but when I got to a therapist around 12 it was great as it felt like I had some I could talk to that wouldn’t hold a grudge for my honesty.
    I also know the therapist recommended to my parents to do more of a rewards-based system rather than a discipline-based system. So instead of “pick up your toys or you’ll go to timeout” it was “if you pick up your toys we can go to the park etc”

    I hope this helps I am sorry to hear about this! Keep us updated on what happens.

    Rene Jefferson

    Hey Ruqaya, I had a similar issue with my 4-year old after me and my x split up. The best thing for him was counseling. My son was visibly stressed from the separation and change so after about a month of the negative change in behavior, counseling was the best course of action. I would look up child counselors in your area and consider that! I’m here if you need to message me with more questions, good luck!

    Melissa Corley

    Hi Ruqaya! That sounds like a really tough situation to be going through 🙁 Did this behavior start after you filed to get full custody? (does you son know about this) And, let me get this straight, the ex’s wife hit your son? Why did she put her hands on him? I’d talk to your ex about this and the behaviors? Make sure you are both on the same page with discipline… I, also, agree about counseling. My seven year old brother (he’s adopted) has a counselor because of behaviors due to past situations and it’s really helping. Also, since these behaviors have transferred to the school setting see if the school guidance counselor can help. I hope things start looking up for you!


    I would talk to your ex´s wife and see what she says. You should all sit down and talk. When all facing each other, the truth will come out, if she hit your kid or not. If she really did hit your kid hard, you have a material to press charges. I wouldn´t allow anyone, literally anyone to not even scream at my child. And your ex´s behavior is also questionable. Personally I would seek the truth in all this and if it is true that she hit your child, I would seek full custody and forbid your ex from seeing the kid. If he allows the hits, then he is not deserved to be called the father.

    Ruqaya Baumann

    Thank you ladies for all the input. It’s very complicated as the gal we asked the court to appoint to investigate lied under oath and I have been jumping thru hoops god knows how I am struggling. As for talking to the dad,there is no way I can talk to him about our kid in fact he is on his wives side knowing she did what d
    She did.Now we are waiting for a new guardian ad litem to investigate as the judge suspected there’s something going on. I will post more detailes later. Thank u please moms keep my son kevin in your prayers


    Your child is going through a trauma. It seems the step mother is mistreating him. In as much as he is you, there is always truth in whatever he says. I don’t think he can come and complain to you for no reason. Give him a keen ear. Listen him out. He might be suffering from the inside. Now that it is even affecting him academically. He is going through mental torture. Sit him down and listen to his part of the story. There might be something that is going on. Especially when he is at his fathers place. Investigate what it is. If it is serious then he should stop going there for a while. Or you can have a discussion with your ex husband. I know both of you expect the best for him. The situation might go to worse. If you really care do something now. You might be late at the end run.

    Ruqaya Baumann

    We are way past that. He told me a long time ago he even confronted his dad and step mom on Skype while I was talking to him. I was shocked the dad and wife started yelling at him and hung up I called the cops to do walefsre check on him but they put him to sleep. After that my son doesn’t talk abt any thing they terrified him. And feels I let him down. But I’m fighting tooth and nail. Yes he is showing signes of trauma and doesn’t like talking abt him dad Cuz he gets in trouble. Our system is so messed up. I recorded the skype session where my son said to his dD and step mother that he didn’t want to be there cuz she hit him. ( he said that while he was with them and I’m watching on Skype !!!!!!


    Hey there Ruqaya! This is a bad situation youre in. I am sorry that you are going through this. If only there was anything that I could do… As sad as it is I cannot help much. Maybe what you need is to consult a psychologist. A kids psychologist even better. Tell them how you feel, and how your son feels. Then act upon what they tell you. That would be your best bet to actually help him without hurting him or his psychology!

    At the mean time something else needs to be done before that. If what your son is saying is true you need to tell this to your ex. He deserves to know over all. I think you should even notify the police… I can’t stand somebody hitting a child. Please take care dear. God bless you!


    You need to know what happens when he is at his father house. It might be that the stepmother hits him. You know children always have a part of saying the truth. He might seem small but there might be truth in it. So follow up in that case. I have seen many children suffer in the hands f step mothers. Do not let him to be part of the bad story. I think you should start by dealing with that first. Then perhaps you can concentrate on his behavior. If he is behaving badly. You can punish him maybe by giving him small slaps. Let him know that whatever he is doing id not good. He might hate you for now but he will later understand it. You are doing this for his best. He has to know that you love him. So first start by giving him attention. That way he will know that you care. Give him the priority. You can do that by following up with what problems he is going through. From there I am sure he will be concerned to change his ways too.


    I can offer ways in how you can discipline your son without hurting their feelings. In a way that he will understand that you love him. That you are doing so to help him. Tell and show your child you trust him to act responsibly as you discipline. Tell him you expect she will learn from this experience. Separate the deed from the doer. He is acceptable, lovable, despite her behavior. Through your disciplining voice and actions, reassure him that he has your continuing love and support even though you do not accept what he did. Always give him your belief that he will choose differently the next time a similar situation arises. Discipline is teaching combined with respect and support. it is not to be confused with punishment that shames and alienates children. How you build your child’s self-esteem on a regular basis gives you the foundation and the tools to discipline your child while still encouraging his self-worth


    that so bad Ruqaya Baumann!! I understand your condition. Try to have meet up plan with her dad. I think she feels comfort in her dad’s company. Try to give him his daughter. I think she can live happily in such way. Otherwise try to be a friend of her. If you seem it troublesome then choose another way. Try to spend lot of your time with her. Listen her troubles and stories in such a mood that shows your interest.


    Although it is a difficult situation for you to handle. You are quite stressed these days because just like others you also want to conceive naturally. It is not confirmed yet that you have got some problem because of the endometriosis. I have endometriosis and it took time to confirm that so don’t worry yet. But you gotta be strong and powerful. Stay positive and hopeful. Lots of baby dust on your way and more power to you.

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