Explaining egg donation to your children
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- This topic has 11 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by Sarah Williams.
April 14, 2018 at 12:52 pm #1886TifannyParticipant
The donor conversation is hard for parents because we fear that our kids will be confused about their family. But children are clear about who their parents are. When parents talk to their children about their desire to build a family and about the donor in the context of family building. They provide their children with the meaning that’s necessary to understand donor conception. Rather than feeling confused and frustrated. These children experience a sense of belonging. They appreciate the emotional bonds that tie them to their parents and create their family. Understand their donor origins in relation to their identity. And always know they are loved and celebrated for exactly who they are. But this doesn’t mean that your child won’t have complex emotions about the donor. Encourage your child to talk to you about his feelings. Keep the dialogue open and be prepared to answer questions when they come up. Even if it’s at inconvenient times.May 5, 2018 at 1:44 pm #1972TrishaParticipant
The goal of early ‘telling’ is that a child should grow up ‘never knowing a time when they didn’t know’ about their origins by donor conception. In practical terms this means starting the process of sharing information with your child from under the age of five. Some people like to start talking with their baby chatting about the donor while changing a nappy is popular. What is worth taking into account in deciding when to begin the story is that the earlier you start the easier it is likely to be for you both. It gives you a chance to practice the language at a time when your baby is not really understanding the words but simply enjoying being talked to. It also means that once you have started you always have something to build on. If for some reason it has not been possible to start early. Then ‘telling’ is possible at any age. It simply takes more preparation and has to be undertaken as an event rather than a process.May 9, 2018 at 8:21 am #1976MilanParticipant
If a child was conceived with the help of an egg donor. It’s best to tell them as early as possible. Some kids may be ready earlier than others but generally speaking its best to start the conversation when the child is pre-verbal. However, it’s never too soon to introduce the idea. An intended parents support group can offer guidance. But here are some tips on discussing using an egg donor with your child. Not telling children they were conceived through third-party reproduction could be psychologically devastating in the future. The child may suspect they’re different as they age. A family member may accidentally tell, or they may someday undergo a genetic screening that will reveal the truth. The Revealing to a child they were conceived with an egg donor’s help is not a one-time occurrence. Your child won’t comprehend all the fine details the first time they’re told. Lay the groundwork with basic information; it’s best not to wait. However, the tougher questions may come later.May 28, 2018 at 6:46 pm #2472ezabelParticipant
Wise words! I too believe that children should know where they come from. And should never feel ashamed of the fact that they eggs were donors. Its just the pain and the struggle you did to have them in your life. And they will grow up respecting all such treatments. They would know the importance of this procedure. And would keep them far away from all the negative vibes that society creates about such procedure.June 22, 2018 at 12:22 pm #3242Polina DelanyParticipant
Well, I just read your whole post here. I understand what your concern is. I think that it’s a child’s right to stay normal. Yes! There shouldn’t be any confusion. I’m also heading for surrogacy this year at a repro center in Ukraine. But, I’d resist and avoid sharing the details of it with my child. So, yeah! He should be assured of everything like we love him/her. There shouldn’t be any doubts or unnecessary questions with him. So, yeah! I’d not consider sharing it all with him. He should just know that we love him and we are his parents. that’s all I believe and that’s how it is.June 22, 2018 at 1:52 pm #3249monikaParticipant
When I was diagnosed with a poor ovarian reserve with low amh level and high fsh levels. I was told by the doctors that IVF wouldn’t work for me. Even if it did work it would lead to MC. Therefore, the doctors suggested that I should opt for IVF or surrogacy with DE. It was an extremely difficult decision to make. I had never thought that I would also have to make this kind of a decision. My husband was not really that willing to opt for it. However, we also wanted to have children of our own. Since the day we decided to opt for De. We told ourselves that we will tell our children from the start. I think children have the right to know about everything. When the clinic gave us the access to their database and we chose the DE. I saved all her information so that the child could later even go through that. I don’t want there to be any confusion. Loved your post.June 26, 2018 at 4:14 pm #3514Emma412Participant
I never think of it as a good idea. You don’t have to tell others. It’s a bad thing. Just take good care of him. It’s not necessary for him to know about that. Just keep it a secret. He will never find out on his own.June 26, 2018 at 6:58 pm #3560chicagoParticipant
Tifanny you have chosen a sensitive topic. I always think about it. but never have enough courage to discuss it with those who suffered from this. I never reached this stage yet. But want to know about it in depth. Should we tell our children that who’s their real parents? I think they shouldn’t bother these things. because you bring them up and give them a facilitated life with good education career. Yeah, blood relation never dies. If they come to know about them then they shouldn’t make their family. Surrogate mother shouldn’t contact him ever. If they do so their intended parents will die without going through natural death. Yeah, this is the right strategy. Prepare yourself with all question that they might ask you. but never lie to them about their birth. If they acknowledge this story from some other person then their trust will be broken.June 27, 2018 at 2:01 am #3582CelesteParticipant
I personally think they should find out on their own. You should just love them a lot. Just avoid to tell them on your own. It would be really helpful for you. Just take good care of yourself. Don’t worry.July 16, 2018 at 10:46 am #4864sara_joyParticipant
I hope that couples who are infertile opt for it more. I have read a lot of positive comments regarding this clinic. I have been searching a lot about them. They have a high success rate. The doctors are also experienced and professionals. I think that is amazing. I’ve already submitted my application to become an egg donor. Specialists at the center have been exceptionally pleasant to me, but when I asked them what are the risks, side effects, complications, etc. involved in egg donation, Assisted conception will definitely be useful for you, don’t worry. I’ve got some good news for you. The clinic from where I had my surrogacy done, is coming to the UK on the 18th and 19th of August. You can avail this chance and get a free consultation there. You don’t have to fly to Ukraine anymore now. They’ll provide you with every information and you can even sign a contract there if they satisfy you. So, stop thinking and register for that. I wish all your worries go away. Good luck!August 13, 2018 at 5:38 pm #5696Demi098Participant
Hello. I hope you are well. Than you for such an amazing post. This is actually really important. But to my surprise, only a few people acknowledge this. We need to tell our kids where they came from at an early age. But they should be able to understand it. You don’t want them to be confused and find it out from someone else. Same goes for surrogacy. They deserve to know the truth. This will also let them know how much they are loved. Their parents went through so much just to have them. I’m starting my procedure soon. I have even talked to the people of the clinic I’m going to apply for surrogacy too. Let’s hope for the best.August 14, 2018 at 4:07 pm #5714Sarah WilliamsParticipant
Well, yes! I agree with it. It’s their right to know! Well, but still I think it’s better not to share it with them, it might indulge them in some kind of problem or lack in confidence I believe. So, yes! That can also create a complex in them. So, better wouldn’t. I’m having my process later this month abroad. I’d not share it with my child. So, yeah! That’s my opinion. I’m having it via surrogacy. So, anyway! I hope you understand.
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