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Would you tell your child about conception via egg donation?

Home Forums Surrogacy Egg Donation Would you tell your child about conception via egg donation?

This topic contains 15 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  Miranda 3 years, 4 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)
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  • #1021

    Missha
    Participant

    Hi everyone. I am an intended parent doing surrogacy with donor eggs. Unfortunately, I’m not able to produce good eggs and ahd to accept egg donation and took it as the only chance to have kids. It was hard decision and my husband is the only person who knows about this matter, except for a clinic and an agency. We were discussing what we would tell our child in future and the right decision doesn’t come. I don’t know… people say that when time comes I will know but I’d like to decide it before the baby is born. Has anyone faced with the same issue?

    #1059

    Milan
    Participant

    Before telling children that they were conceived using eggs from another woman, parents should first carefully assess a child’s emotional and intellectual capacity to process that information. Partial disclosure is recognized as an important option for many parents for several reasons. Details can be presented in stages over several months or even years as a child develops and is able to process more information successfully. Full disclosure is an option chosen by parents who believe that a child should be told about his or her origins from the beginning. This approach parallels current thinking about disclosure in adoption, which emphasizes openness and disclosure. Again, therapists caution that such decisions must be made with the child’s best interests in mind. They also caution that, in the future, testing could make it easier for children to learn whether they are genetically linked to their parents.

    #1261

    Felicia Saz
    Participant

    Hey, Missha. How are you doing? I feel very sad to know about your condition. It is great that you are choosing surrogacy for yourself. I had my son through surrogacy too. I went to Ukraine for it. I didn’t decide this before I had my son. But I have decided it now. I decided to not hide anything from him. When he grows older I’m going to tell him everything. I will start off by telling him how good this process is and how its helping people. It really did help me. My son is very special to me. You should tell your future baby about the truth too. The relationship between a mother and her child is built with the time they spend together, the care and love. It doesn’t solely depend on who gave birth to the baby. You seem like a great person. Your child will turn out to be a good person too. And I’m sure they will understand. They will love you just as much. So relax.

    #1281

    Trisha
    Participant

    Some patients find it easier and others find it more difficult to tell other people that their child was born via egg donation. Using egg donation, is of course an intensely private matter. And who patients choose to share it with may vary widely. Viewpoints on egg donation vary widely. And only you can decide whether, who, where and when to tell. The advice from most fertility organizations and professionals is to be open and honest to the child about its origins right from the start. By bringing the message positively and in a normal way. You can help a young child understand that it is especially loved because mummy and daddy had to try so hard to make a baby. As time goes on, you can add more information appropriate to the age of your child. However, you may prefer not to tell your child about being “a donor egg baby”. And there are good reasons for this too. You may feel that your child will become insecure and confused if you explain that mummy is not his or her genetic mother. Or that disclosure will lead to your child wanting to find the egg donor.

    #1402

    Milan
    Participant

    While professional organizations now advocate disclosure. Some parents still struggle with whether, when, and how to tell, and many still will not do so. So, yes, the decision to talk about donor conception. Even if you value familial honesty, can be hard. Researchers found that parents who told their children before they turned 10 reported no anxiety relating to disclosure and expressed full confidence that they had done the right thing. By contrast, among the non-disclosing families. There were high levels of anxiety as they waited for the “right time” to tell. And found themselves confronting the challenge of disclosing to teenagers or young adults. This secrecy around donor conception is a heavy load to carry. And the layers of deception build up. The best-kept secret can warp family life. Filling children with anxiety they don’t understand, and parents with guilt. In an effort to protect kids they love from what parents perceive as the difficult truth of their origins, parents are hurting them.

    #1641

    Shirley Akin
    Participant

    Hey there. How are you doing? Congratulations on your success. I am really happy to know about you. If I was in the situation, I would have told my baby about it. Because according to me it doesn’t matter.
    I hope everything works fine for you. Lots of love to you.

    #1642

    Shirley Akin
    Participant

    Stay blessed

    #1653

    Joanne Silvia
    Participant

    Hello Missha. I hope things are well. It’s absolutely alright to have concerns over such a procedure. I can assure you everyone has such questions. Surrogacy is a tough task. I think it would be unfair not to tell your kid. The way the world is moving, I think surrogacy will become a norm by the time your child is old enough. Which is why I really don’t think you should worry. It’s 2018, people need to stop thinking it’s wrong to try science. Assisted conception is important, it’s a blessing. Also, at the end of the day, your baby is still genetically yours. It would probably be unfair if you choose to hide it. I’d suggest you consult DH. Both should agree on what you want to do once he’s old enough. Good luck and congratulations!

    #1665

    monika
    Participant

    I think there is nothing bad in it to hide about. You should definitely tell your child later on. As the world is the small place and he/she will eventually find it out soon. So it is better that you tell them before they find out by someone else. The relationship is made up of love and care. So your children would want that more important than anything else. Also, ask your donor if she wants the child to know about her. As probably the child will get inquisitive about it and would want to know briefly. So it will be better to know about this in that way.

    #1679

    Anonymous

    Surrogacy isn’t immoral. Moreover, it would be better if you would tell the origin. But, it solely depends on how you want them to know. Most importantly, your family knows about it, and then the children. Because later go things pretty awkward. The real deal is to compile the information like a story about the origin or birth according to the age of the child. You must be not sound ashamed of it. Lastly, you may have to be friendly and open to answering the questions any time. Because the more you will be open to communication the more you will be able to voice your intention. Work on to build an honest relationship with your child from the beginning, this would build the trust. Hope this has helped. Good luck!!

    #1686

    Jess bling
    Participant

    It is good to decide about this thing now. Though if you think in future that your child is sensitive. If he can not handle the information they don’t tell him or her. It will only complicate things. I would suggest to tell him if he can handle this. Because if someone else tells him or her than that can be dangerous.It is better to take the child in confidence and tall the truth yourself.

    #1743

    ezabel
    Participant

    There are so many things to look for the world. But there is only one thing and that is you want a baby anyhow. And you are doing nothing wrong in this.
    Surrogacy is the most questionable treatment I have found. But the individual who questions about such things should wear our shoes and feel the life we are living.
    At this point in time, you must consider only one thing and that is your surrogacy procedure.
    There is life thinking about such things. But once you leave such opportunities only because what world would think then you are on the wrong path.
    Many of the individuals are adopting this thing only because they want to be blessed with parenthood.
    Just go get yourself a good fertility clinic with appropriate cost and procedures or packages.
    Hugs to you.

    #1885

    Tifanny
    Participant

    For parents who use donors to conceive, an unexpected challenge of the process can be explaining the situation to the child.
    The focus should be on the fact that the family needed a helper or helpers in order to have the child/children. The helpers are very important people in the life of the family. Even if you don’t know them personally. Much of the story will be fleshed out as you continue your dialogue and answer your children’s questions as they grow. It is also very important to determine what your child is exactly asking. Sometimes the question “Can I meet her?” is really the question “Does she live nearby?” or “Maybe she could come to dinner some night and then go home again?” These questions don’t necessarily put her in the special category to which we place a donor. But rather a person about whom we speak. But is invisible to our children. It would be normal to want to meet someone in the same vein that our kids might want to meet old family friends or distant cousins. Until such time that they fully understand what it means to have been conceived with a donor’s help, which comes much later.

    #1971

    Trisha
    Participant

    Although I encourage parents to start telling children about donor conception when they are under five. I know that there are many families with older children sometimes even adults themselves who we have not ‘told’ yet. Telling children about their origins by donor conception puts honesty at the heart of family relationships. Is respectful of donor conceived children/people as individuals in their own right. Allows donor conceived people to make choices about their lives. Allows donor conceived children to learn about aspects of their history. Integrate the knowledge as they grow up and accept their story without shock or distress. Means that significant differences between a child and parent in looks, talents etc. can be easily explained. Some DC adults have thought they must be adopted or the result of an affair by their mother. Does not mean that children will reject their non-genetic parent.

    #6050

    Anonymous

    Hi, @Missha hope so you are doing great. I think so you should tell your child about all this as early as possible. Because it will make them upset if they got to know the truth from somebody else. Child and mother have a beautiful bond. And the bond is of trust, love, and care. I believe the child will definitely understand the situation of the parents. You seem to be an amazing woman. Your child will surely be a nice person who will understand you. Wishing you best of luck dear.

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