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I totally understand where you are coming from! My husband and I are now blessed with 2 boys. But it took a long time to get our second! We were able to get pregnant with our first son right away. We weren’t even trying!!! When we went to try for a second, it took 7 years before we were successful! It was very difficult because as you said you feel like people think you aren’t appreciative for what you have, however, there is a longing. A hole in your heart that isn’t filled because you want more kids. It is so hard. I think that secondary infertility isn’t taken as seriously as infertility because we have been blessed with a child. I’m not taking any infertility lightly, but sometimes I think it may be harder with secondary because you do have a child already. So you can’t understand why it is so difficult to become pregnant again. At least that is how I felt. As far as handling it, it is tough. My sister in law had 3 children while we were trying for our second!! When you are trying to conceive you notice every baby commercial, every stroller, every pregnant women!!! Just take deep breaths. I became angry, and hated the other pregnant women. It was very hard to be around my sister in law when she was pregnant. I began to judge myself as a person and mom. Thinking that God thought I wasn’t good enough or deserving of another child. It is so hard! I want to give you a heads up with clomid!! It’s tough. You think you are on an emotional roller coaster now, just wait. I want you to be aware of it, I felt like I was going crazy!
Yes dear, I think other women out there really needed to hear that. In making sense of and sharing what I’ve learned about disenfranchised grief (grief that is not acknowledged by society), I began to actively mourn the losses we’d endured and found peace. By giving voice to my experience, I tapped into a well of strength and resilience and cultivated a community of women whose lives don’t involve parenting. We see families of two where we used to see couples. Today, birth announcements or photos of newly pregnant, aging celebrities in the supermarket checkout stand no longer evoke envy or anger. I’ve learned to appreciate my body, my life, and my relationships in a new light. Still there’s awkwardness when meeting people with children for the first time, who routinely inquire if we have any of our own (where to begin?) or when hanging out with friends who chat about the challenges of raising a family. For my part, I tread lightly in our newfound joy and our life lived without the limitations they face so as not to appear indifferent to their struggles and the demands on their time. My husband and I continue to push forward, to shape and define a life outside the beaten path. We challenge each other to uncover new possibilities, to seek new adventures and discoveries that will enrich our understanding of the world and our place in it. That’s what we would have encouraged our children to do.
Believe me, ill be praying for your success. Often it seems as if women have to carry the heavier load when dealing with infertility. Women go to most of the doctor appointments, have most of the procedures, and seem to feel the emptiness of the womb most acutely. Men often seem reduced to bystanders and can feel helpless to support and protect their wives during the crisis. Oftentimes, if a man feels helpless to change a situation, he will begin to turn his attention elsewhere, to things he can fix and control. The wife can feel abandoned and alone in their struggle to conceive. Walls begin to build, and the struggle to have a child becomes a struggle to keep their marriage together. Husbands are not powerless, however, and in fact can have a greater impact during infertility than even the most renowned doctor or celebrated adoption director. Husbands have direct access to an all-powerful God. Men who pray for their wives provide comfort, leadership, and protection. A woman feels supernaturally comforted by a husband who prays for her. She can trust him and take comfort in his spiritual strength and determination. The wife needs to see her husband praying with a faith that at times seems stronger than hers, and she needs to hear him as he pours out his own longings before God. Men don’t have to overcome the impossible to win the hearts and respect of their wives — they have only to pray to the God who makes all things possible.
don’t get down on yourself if you feel awkward and unsure when you first come home. Babies can sense when someone around them is tense or nervous so try to relax and go with the flow as you to get to know this new little person. Study her neck, her eye brows, and her chubby little knees. Take in that new baby smell. Lean on your spouse, your family, your friends, if they can help you out, and remember that your anxiety is completely normal. Before you know it, you’ll be handling your role as a new mom with certainty and confidence. A new baby causes quite a stir and friends, family members, neighbors, and coworkers are all going to be vying for a time to come over and meet your little miracle. While this is perfectly wonderful and to be expected, it’s wise to set up some ground rules in advance, especially if you’re exhausted after having a C-section or a long and difficult labor and delivery. Don’t be shy about limiting the number of guests at first. You’ll be glad later on if you take some time now to rest and become comfortable with your new baby. Ask anyone who’s ill to wait until they’re feeling well and no longer contagious before they visit. You shouldn’t hesitate to ask visitors to wash their hands before holding your baby because a newborn baby’s immune system is not fully developed. You’ll want to introduce the baby to your pets as well. Your partner can bring a baby blanket home from the hospital to get your pet used to the baby’s scent. Never leave the baby unattended with your pets until they are used to your new routine with the baby.
One advantage of gestational surrogacy is the possibility that one or both intended parents can be biologically connected to their child. The intended parents’ eggs and/or sperm can be used to create the embryo, which is then medically transferred to the surrogate’s uterus. This biological relationship makes surrogacy a popular option for families who feel strongly about having a genetic child. In addition, being biologically related to the child can help simplify the legal process and give intended parents more control during the pregnancy. On the other hand, adoption typically involves an unplanned pregnancy, and the birth mother is the biological parent of the child. This means that intended parents will not have a genetic relationship to their baby. It may also mean that the birth mother could have more complicated emotions to process. In some instances, this can cause the legal and social aspects of the adoption process to become more complicated than surrogacy. Whether you choose adoption or surrogacy, you will be responsible for a number of expenses during the family-building process, including agency fees as well as legal and medical costs. However, surrogacy involves the additional expense of fertility treatments and surrogate compensation, which can make surrogacy costs more expensive than adoption.
Around the age of 4 to 6, all children develop a sense of self and self-efficacy. From the perspective of the parents, children that were easy to direct before now become contrary. At the same time a child that age cannot express her frustrations well without resorting to tears or. If the frustration is bad, a tantrum. Around the age of 6 or 7, children develop the ability to understand and care about another person’s wishes and needs. Then the “unwarranted” and extreme outbursts stop. All of this is a process and not something that happens overnight, so of course your child’s behavior will slowly get “better” in the coming months. So, first of all don’t expect your child to be able to suppress her frustration and discuss her wants with you like an adult would. The tantrum is okay, it is her way of saying: I really don’t want this. Just as you expect other people to accept that you don’t agree with them. Accept that your child does not agree with you. She just cannot express it in a civilized manner. Second, following from your understanding that your child’s behavior is totally normal and in tune with her current developmental abilities. There is no need to get upset about your child’s emotional outburst. Distance yourself from it. It is not you, who is frustrated and gets upset, but your child. Just as you would be expected to deal with an adult saying that he does not like what you want of him and feels sad or angered. You must be able to accept that your child is of a different opinion.
Diaper rash is a common form of inflamed skin experienced by most children during their diaper wearing years. There are several factors that can cause diaper rash, but the primary cause of diaper rash is prolonged exposure to moisture on the skin. Excessive moisture on the skin makes it more easily affected by friction, which can be caused by the diaper against the skin as well as routine wiping and cleaning of the skin. This is why diaper rash usually affects the tender skin of a baby’s body that is in closest contact to the diaper. The result of this friction is a weakening of the protective barrier of the skin – making it more penetrable by irritants like urine and feces. Diaper rash may also develop when your baby is taking antibiotics or after a change in diet of either the mother or baby. The introduction of solid foods to your baby’s diet may cause a change in the content of their stool or the frequency, both of which can cause diaper rash and eating certain types of foods while breast feeding can cause a reaction on your little one’s bum. Keep your infant’s skin clean and dry. Check diapers every 2 hours or so and change wet or soiled diapers promptly. Avoid irritating the skin while cleaning the diaper area by patting – not rubbing – the skin with warm water and a washcloth or a mild baby wipe. Avoid using soap to clean the affected area unless necessary, and then be sure to choose a mild soap for sensitive baby skin. Once you’ve cleaned the area, pat it dry before applying a diaper rash cream. Whenever possible let your baby go diaper free to help the area air dry and to prevent chaffing from the diaper.
Your parenting styles cancel each other out. It’s nice to think you’d share child-rearing philosophies. But it’s often hard to predict how you’ll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you’re smack in the middle of your fourth night up with baby. This is not the ideal time to discover that while you favor a sleep-training method that lets your child cry, your spouse really can’t deal with tears for any amount of time. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t make a hot date. Get a sitter, shave your legs, and flirt a little. As for increasing the frequency of sex on nondate nights, experienced parents recommend making sure your bedroom is baby-free at bedtime. “There’s nothing like rolling on top of a toy caterpillar that starts to play ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’ to kill the mood. Couple time is now family time. You’re always together, but no longer alone. Whether you’ve been a couple for years or just met and wanted to have a baby quickly, jumping from a twosome to a family is challenging. Making the leap from coupledom to baby-makes-three is exciting, exhilarating, and wonderful. It’s also exhausting, exasperating, and worrisome—a combination that can be toxic to the romantic relationship that made you parents in the first place. The bad news first: Maintaining a marriage post-baby takes a lot of time and energy, exactly what you’ve got the least of right now. Now the encouraging news: Working on your relationship pays off in spades. Without all that energy expended (read: wasted) growing resentful of each other, you’ll have more to spend enjoying one another.
If you cannot nurse, then pump milk in replacement of the nursing. If you are introducing formula because your baby doesn’t seem to be getting enough breast milk, realize, of course, that she may consume more with a bottle than with the breast. This may mean that you won’t need to breastfeed her in the traditional two-and-a-half hours after the bottle. But at the next feeding, try to offer the breast first. Eventually, by alternating, you will be able to devise a schedule that ensures she is taking in enough nutrients from both. If you breastfeed and formula feed, you will want to decide which one you prefer to feed your child with right before bed, as it will likely become a part of her daily habits. If you don’t want to always be the one putting the baby to bed at night, than opt for the bottle as the last feeding during the day. The good news is that she will take in more, which may cause her to sleep a bit longer at night as well. Just be sure to burp her well, as typically both bottle-feeding and formula can cause more gas. However, you can adjust the amount of breast milk combined in until you find what he will like. If you wait to offer formula until after the second or third month, your baby will likely be resistant to it at first because it tastes so different from your milk. You can either mix the two or work with your baby until he is happily switching between the two concoctions.
There are a few surrogates that have completed the process a second and sometimes a third time. If somebody has a good experience and they enjoy the process, it’s not uncommon that they will do it again – sometimes it will be for another family, or it could be a sibling project for the same family. If the intended parent had one child and they would like to have another baby, it’s not uncommon that a surrogate will be willing to do this again for them, to have a sibling. If the first family feels that they are complete, if a surrogate wants to do it again, they will just do it for another family. The agency also has surrogates that do it one time – they do something they’ve always wanted to do – helping someone have a child. As long as the OB clears the surrogate, they are medically OK to have another pregnancy. Many surrogates keep in touch with the family. Although it depends on the location – it might be different states or even countries. Between the Skype and email and internet, the intended parents are definitely in communication throughout the process, they are involved as much as the surrogate will allow them to be, they want to go through this as a team. The intended parents want to share the experience as much as possible – things like the baby’s first kick, seeing the ultrasounds, being included as much as possible. They will want to be there for the birth. The vast majority of surrogates and intended parents stay in touch, and a lot of people become very good friends, and still stay in touch.
Many women of my generation are starting a family later than, perhaps, our mothers did. And it is often a challenge to get pregnant or carry a pregnancy for a variety of reasons. The gestational surrogacy option lets you have your own biological child, safely carried and delivered by a woman that already had a healthy pregnancy. If you are serious about pursuing surrogacy, whether as an intended parent or a woman looking to help others and your family, it is not a subject taken lightly and should certainly be researched well beyond. Intended parents have to complete a very thorough application, criminal background and other checks. Similar process applies to a surrogate, who also has to submit her medical records and be medically cleared by her OB. The surrogate must have carried, delivered naturally and be raising at least one child of her own. Once the checks are completed and the family and surrogate meet, they have to make sure it’s a good personal match, that it’s a good fit. There is always a need for surrogates, for women who enjoy pregnancy and have had healthy uncomplicated pregnancy and deliveries. There are a lot of intended parents who are waiting to be matched. It’s a wonderful thing to do to match somebody but also for the surrogate to help herself and her own family with the compensation. We consider it a win/win. It’s not just financial, it is something very rewarding.
Your baby is a sensory being! His vision is able to focus at just 18cm from his face – that means he can see your expression when you cuddle or feed him. His hearing is tuned to pick up the sound of a human voice more than any other sound in his environment. He’s even sensitive to the smell of your breastmilk. All this adds up to him knowing just who his mummy is – and when you’re close by. It’s not surprising that he realises when you’re not there as much as when you are. And that he gets upset with whoever is still around. The fact that your baby misses you when he is temporarily separated from you is a normal phase of development that virtually all children go through. It’s a sign of his increasing maturity and growing understanding of the world around him. He is starting to be more aware of his surroundings, more aware of your presence, and so he is more likely to pine for you when he senses you aren’t there, whether by seeing you’ve disappeared from view, or realising he’s not been held by you or heard your voice for a while. Don’t panic – this is something that he will get more used to over time. You’ll find that his longing for you during temporary separations fluctuates during the first year. Sometimes he’ll be happy to spend a couple of hours with someone else, while at other times he’ll burst into tears the moment you’re out of sight. It’s up to you to keep calm so he begins to see it as a normal part of his daily life.
There is no single reason why birthmothers choose to put their baby up for adoption. That’s because every birthmother is unique and each adoption has it’s own set of circumstances. Consider these common reasons before making a decision. It’s safe, confidential, and free. Financial Abilities. Can you afford to provide for yourself and a baby? Lack of Support System — Are there people in your life who can help you raise a child? Two-Parent Household — If the birthfather is not involved, would you prefer a two-parent family? Career & Education Goals — Are you still in school? Will your career or job allow the time and flexibility needed to parent? Age & Inexperience — Parenting is a lifelong commitment. Are you emotionally and physically ready to parent? You are in control of your adoption plan, including the type of post-placement relationship you want to have with your child and the adoptive family. This means that even if you choose unrelated adoptive parents, you can remain an important part of your child’s life. Most importantly, remember that when you make an adoption plan for your baby, you will be forever connected to him or her and the adoptive family. If you choose to have a relationship with them, they will become your family, too. If you are considering family adoption for your baby, you may speak with an adoption specialist to discuss your situation and ensure it is truly the right choice for you and your baby.
Diapers are part of your life, day in, day out, for so long that it’s hard to imagine not needing them anymore. It seems like the day when your child will walk into the bathroom, pee or poop, wipe, wash hands, and walk back out without you even knowing it is a long way off. And yet, that day is coming. And it will be as glorious as it has been in your dreams. Between now and then, there’s a big project: potty training. You may be ready to make the transition, but is your little one? Just like talking, walking, and sleeping through the night, every child’s timing is different. There is no perfect age to start potty training. How will you know if your child is ready? He will show interest in various ways, including asking questions about the toilet, potty seats, and underwear. Whether or not your child is ready is based on where he is physically and emotionally. Many kids show interest around 2 years old, while others couldn’t care less until they’re 2 1/2 or 3. Though there are always exceptions, girls usually show interest earlier than boys and are quicker to get the hang of it.
It’s quite common for children to move schools. It’s also normal for children to resist change and feel stressed about going to a new school. So if your child is moving schools, the best thing you can do is prepare your child for the change. You can do this by involving your child as much as you can in the process of choosing and moving schools. This will help your child see the exciting and positive aspects of the move. He’ll be a lot happier if he knows that his needs are important. Here are tips for involving your child and making the change easier: If possible, discuss the move with your child well in advance. Be enthusiastic about the move yourself. Ask your child to talk about, draw or make a list of the things she’s looking forward to about going to a new school. Ask your child to talk about, draw or make a list of the things he’s worried about. Take time to discuss each concern. Find out about schools in the area you’re moving to. Make a list of the schools and show it to your child. If your child is old enough, talk about the pros and cons of different schools. If possible, you could visit the new location and schools with your child. Find out whether there are other children moving to the same school as your child. Encourage your child to talk with these children. You might be able to arrange for your child to arrive at school with these children on the first day. If you know family members or friends who’ve changed schools recently, encourage them to share their experiences with your child.