In-Laws are not on board with Surrogacy

[Jules]

We are in the beginning stages of surrogacy and DH informs me today that his parents (mainly his mother) wishes we would re-consider as surrogacy is frowned upon at their church?!!? How do you politely tell your in-laws to butt out of your business?

[Trisha]

This is interesting. I really do not have the right way to keep it that way. Like telling your in laws to butt out of my business. Anyway I understand you. Some people say that surrogacy is not allowed in Christianity. And I keep wondering. What if someone is infertile and this is the only solution. I just feel such people are inconsiderate. They are saying that just because they are not in that situation. People who go through such cases are the ones in pain. They just look from the sidelines. Maybe if they could be going through the same they could just take the same pathway. And in Christianity it is not allowed to judge others. Who are thy to point fingers at you. If that is what will help. Then go for it dear. Let not people who do not know your life stop having a talk in it. The best thing to do is to assume. Let them be. They will find themselves irrelevant after sometimes.

[Milan]

This is the one problem with in laws. They feel like they can make any decision in your marriage. Especially the mother in law. I always hate such families. Actually there are families that the mother in law has a say in everything. It will feel like you are the visitor. Like your husband is married to your mother in law. This is so sickening. My mother is this type. She has the say in my brothers marriage. I always tell her to stop doing so. My sister in law always comes to me complaining. I told her to assume my mother. I also do that sometimes. My mother is the one pushing us to do this. She just cannot stick to her business. Do what you want baby girl. You never got married to your mother in law. Then tell your husband to grow up. He should stop getting worried of every tantrum his mother throws in his way. The two of you are the ones in the problem not them.

[Tifanny]

I have never been through that scenario but I think I can add my 2 points. I am disappointed that your mother in law feels like she has a final say in your marriage. That is so bad of her. I understand that your husband is her son. But he is now all grown up. That means he can make his own decisions. So he should let him be. I hat when mother in laws try to control their sons marriage. It makes the woman feel inadequate. And this is bad. I have seen marriages break because of mother in laws. They want to control their son’s life. When a man marries that means he has to put his wife first. His mother has been there all his life of course. But that is like transition. He is going to start his own life. With his own rules. So the mother should respect that. Not giving rules to be followed every time. If I was in your situation I would just pretend like I don’t understand what she is talking about and move on with the procedure.

[Stormi]

Maybe I can share mu views about the bible and surrogacy. Christians are not unanimous in their opinion about surrogacy. The Catholic Catechism states that a child is a gift not a right, and that surrogacy is “gravely immoral” because a third party comes between the “one flesh” principle that unites husband and wife. The question of surrogacy is less cut and dry in Protestant denominations. In general, the churches falling under this umbrella have a more liberal attitude to infertility treatments and surrogacy, but point out the potential problems arising from it such as future psychological problems for the child and questions regarding who the child belongs to. Using a surrogate mother to bear children for a childless couple is as old as the story of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis chapter 16. Sarah could not bear children, so she gave her servant, Hagar, to Abraham so she could have his children. This is the traditional surrogacy.

[Anonymous]

Try to convince them
First of all convince your husband properly.If he is on your side than there will be no problem at all.
I am going for the surrogacy option as their is no other way to have a baby of my own.
I consulted a clinic regarding surrogacy they provided me a positive feedback.
There are very good clinics regarding surrogacy as i’m sharing my experience with all of you.
For now i have convinced mt husband to go for surrogacy and he is ready too.
You should also have a look at BioTexCom clinic.
I contacted a clinic for surrogacy method and they responded very well to my questions.
I suggest you to go for this clinic and atleast you should contact them and share your problem with them so that they can propose a better solution for you.
As they suggested surrogacy option for us.
Now they are looking for a good woman for our baby who can carry our baby in her womb for 9 months.
They will find a good female with all clear tests so that we don’t have to face any issue later.
But i am worried about somethings also.
But that doesn’t matter as we don’t have any other option left for us.
Positive feedback will be appreciated.

[Felicia Saz]

Wow. I don’t understand why they ask such things. It is not like we have any other choice. Everybody wants a baby of their own. It obviously wasn’t your first choice. You would’ve had a child naturally if you could. They should really consider the condition they put us in.

[Mona]

Dear, this is a very complicated matter. You should not get annoyed at her. Aged people do have such kind of thoughts. I think you and your DH should try to convince her. Tell her that it’s completely okay to have a baby through surrogacy. Ask her that doesn’t she want to have a grandchild. What a beautiful feeling it would be when she’ll hold her grandchild in her hands. Tell her how much you have suffered. And how badly you want this baby. I hope she’ll understand. Good luck!

[Sasha James]

Hi there. How are you doing? I hope you are doing great. I am really sorry that you have to go for surrogacy. It’s a very good option though. I think it’s your life. If your husband is with you. That’s all you want. I hope everything goes as you want. Good luck.

[kim01]

hey! hope you are doing fine. This is your only option to have a child. Life without having children is miserable. It is complicated but doesn’t get annoyed. let them think what they want. Surrogacy is only hope for infertile parents to have their own genetic babies. Infertility is increasing in couples day by day. IVF and surrogacy is their only hope. It is a great feeling to be a mother. Just focus on your baby. I am also a mother of a daughter. I had her through surrogacy from a Ukrainian clinic. It is not bad to have babies through surrogacy. well, hope she would understand that.

[elliejohn]

Well, Jules, I faced the same resistance when I first time told my family and friends about my surrogacy. But one thing I must say your family or in-laws cannot understand the situation you are facing. They can not even imagine the loneliness you are facing by not having kids.Surrogacy is your very personal matter. So, no need to involve anyone in this decision. Tell your in-laws, there is nothing illegal in it. Even surrogacy is a blessing for couples like us who are unable to conceive naturally. It’s far better from adoption. In this process, you can have your own baby from a surrogate mother. That child would be of yours, genetically as well as legally. No one else, even the surrogate mother can claim for that baby. I also decided for this process after three years of research. Now, next month going to Ukraine for my surrogacy. I am quite sure it would be successful at first attempt. Having a baby is the right of every woman. Does not matter if that baby comes into this world naturally or through any procedure.

[Milan]

Most people new to commercial surrogacy would probably view surrogate motherhood as a decision one woman makes to help another family. This is partially untrue. There are many family requirements when it comes to surrogacy. It is important that the surrogate’s entire family is supportive of her during the process. Surrogacy does not just affect the woman who is pregnant. It affects her partner, her children, and to a lesser degree, her extended family. All of these issues will have an effect on your partner and children. Who need to be your main surrogacy support group. They will have to go through the pangs of a pregnancy with you. Without the additional family member coming home at the end of the journey. I hope with time your mother in law will finally accept your decision and decided otherwise. For the time being do not stress about it.

[hailey johnson]

Hello there! I hope you and your husband are doing fine. I know how much it hurts when your loved ones don’t support you in cases like these. When my husband and I opted for surrogacy, his dad was against it. Nevertheless, we went on with it. Now I am blessed with a beautiful baby boy. I think you guys should do it too. If you want to have a baby then nothing should stop you. Best of luck. Cheers!

[chicago]

hey, I am happy for you. feeling motivated by your characters and your roles. Especially your DH. He is supporting you all time. no matter what the situation is. Jules when you become a married person the life becomes too hectic. you can’t say easily to your mother-in-law that you want this and that. Try to first convince your husband. Tell him it’s pros and cons. If he really cares you and loves, he will negotiate this issue with his mother. Try to discuss in such a presentable way. Don’t realize them you are uncomfortable with this activity. this will enhance their aggression. They will make a try to do against you. best of luck!!!

[Victoria]

Hi there! I think it’s totally foolish of one to think so much about what others think. Especially in such big decisions as this one. I think you should try convincing your in-laws that this doesn’t have to be a huge deal. Surrogacy has become so common nowadays. Even many celebrities are opting for it. Good luck with your decision!

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