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Start talking to your child about their adoption right away—even if your child is a toddler. This way it won’t be a surprise to them. Keep it very simple, and keep it appropriate to the child’s age. For instance, “before the age of 5, all kids need to know is that they are adopted, and it’s a way to form a family.” Also, emphasize that you are a “forever family.” After 5 years old, most kids are curious about where babies come from. When your child asks, you might say, “A different man and woman made you. You grew in that woman’s belly. And then I came and adopted you. That’s how we became a family.” memorable for the parents will become memorable for the child. Making it a routine talk helps you become more comfortable discussing your child’s adoption, and lets them “hear how happy you were for her to come into your life. Don’t ignore or criticize the birth parents. Birth parents must be part of the adoption story. By not mentioning them, adoptive parents send a message that they are uncomfortable talking about them or there was something wrong with them. But birth parents will always be part of your child’s life. Whether it was an open, closed or foreign adoption with very little information. Be sure not to say anything disparaging. Remember that they are the reason you have your child.
Shop by your baby’s weight, not age. Age doesn’t mean much when it comes to baby clothes; different brands size clothing differently. Weight is a better measure and it is listed along with age on many baby clothes. Think about how easy clothes will be to put on and take off. Dressing a wiggling newborn can be a bit of a struggle. Follow these tips when you choose clothes to keep dressing easier. Wide necks or snaps at the neck make dressing easier. (If you pick clothes that pull over the head, do it quickly because babies panic when their breathing is blocked or when they can’t see you.) Snaps and zippers in the front are easier to put on and take off than those on the back. Loose sleeves pull on and off easier than tight ones. Snaps or other easy openings at the crotch make it quicker and easier to change diapers – you don’t have to take off all your baby’s clothes. Buy clothes that say “machine washable” on the label to avoid the time and energy of hand-washing or ironing. Clothes made from 100% cotton are ideal, since they’re comfortable, durable, and they wash well. Think ahead, wisely. Some babies never fit into the “newborn” size. Others may even grow out of 3-month-sized clothes after only one month. So, buy items in the 6-month or 1-year size to have on hand. Some clothes can be worn a little big, until your baby grows into them. It’s not a great idea, though, to buy seasonal clothes, like swimsuits or winter coats, well in advance. It’s impossible to predict your baby’s size.
As your baby gets older, you will learn what works for it. Maybe it loves being outdoors, in which case a walk in the morning might be just enough to keep it happy for a couple of hours. Perhaps it loves the company of other babies. Getting out to baby groups is the best way of relieving the tension of being stuck at home with a moany baby. And please don’t worry that your baby will be the only one crying its head off at the group: babies cry. Everyone understands that. It doesn’t reflect badly on you as a mother. Ultimately, we have to learn to trust our babies and accept that their crying and fussiness indicates that they need something – and love and attention is just as valid a need as hunger. You may even begin to suspect that all babies share these needs, but the “difficult” ones are just a lot more determined to make themselves heard. My final consolation is that just because your baby is difficult now does not mean that it will be a tantrumming toddler or a troublesome teenager. In fact it may be the extra love and care that you give it now, as a baby, that helps it to grow up into a confident and happy child. You have been chosen to parent one of the bright shining star babies. Accept it and make the most of it. Join an attachment parenting forum where you will find loads of parents of high needs children. Do what you have to do each day and don’t worry about anything anyone else says. Anything that makes you and your baby happy is the right thing to do.
I think it was stress that was hindering your mom from giving birth. Knowing that she could no longer conceive might have made her bitter. So what’s causing this infertility from anxiety? Doctors currently have no idea. Possible reasons include: It’s possible that someone in a considerable amount of stress would struggle if they were also in the process of having a child. It’s possible that as human beings evolved, those that weren’t conceiving under extreme pressure were able to live longer and conceive later than those that could. Or perhaps it was valuable as a disincentive to cause partners stress since child rearing is easier when partners are in less trouble. After billions of years, anything is possible. On a related note, perhaps extreme anxiety reduces developmental health. If stress and anxiety have any effect on pregnancy health, then maybe the human body tries to avoid it until it’s “ready.” As amazing as the human body is, it has a limited amount of resources it can handle at any given time. We know that the brain takes resources away from certain parts of the body during anxiety (this is what causes indigestion – the body takes resources from digestion to help with anxiety). It’s possible that resources needed for conception are taken away as well. But all of these are simply guesses. The truth is that the reason anxiety causes infertility is simply unclear. Stress and anxiety wreak havoc on the body, and most likely it is a combination of many different issues that make it harder to conceive.
The human body is both an extremely powerful machine, and one that is very sensitive to what happens to it. On the one hand, there are incredible processes within the human body that are designed to remove germs, heal injuries, and help you live longer. On the other hand, something as simple as anxiety or stress can wreak havoc on some parts of your body. Anxiety has been linked to infertility, and while anxiety can’t make someone permanently infertile, it appears that it can decrease the likelihood of pregnancy. So why does infertility occur and, perhaps more importantly, what can be done about it? At the heart of infertility is stress, and unfortunately, stress and anxiety are a normal part of daily life. There is a great deal of evidence that daily stress seems to drastically increase the chances of becoming infertile – at least temporarily. Make sure you take my anxiety test first, to get an idea of how severe your anxiety is and what you can do about it. Infertility is a complicated anxiety symptom, and what makes it more complicated is the fact that it can create more stress and anxiety. That stress may be work-related and relationship related, but in many cases, it’s related to the stress that men and women place on themselves to conceive, and the longer they try, the more that stress can increase, thereby increasing the likelihood of further infertility. So relieve the anxiety and be comfortable when waiting for the results.
Probably the biggest difference between surrogacy and adoption is that one involves a planned pregnancy while the other involves an unplanned pregnancy. This affects every aspect of the process, including the legal work that is required, the support that social workers provide, the types of interactions that you share with the surrogate or birth mother, and the types of expenses that are required to bring your baby home. The domestic adoption process can be a little bit stressful on adoptive parents because they simply don’t have full control over the situation. They may wonder: “What if the birth mother changes her mind?” “What if the birth father contests the adoption?” “Is the birth mother receiving regular prenatal treatment?” “Is she taking care of herself and our baby?” Remember, these are common thoughts by adoptive parents, and most adoption agencies have safeguards to protect them from any of these scenarios. However, these feelings can still persist. Regardless, in surrogacy, intended parents do have much more control over the situation. Often times, the only concern is whether the embryo transfer and pregnancy will be successful. Most everything else in the surrogacy process has already been planned and is legally binding, so very few surprises should occur. If you are debating between surrogacy and adoption, our surrogacy specialists are available to help you with this decision. They are equally knowledgeable about adoption as they are about surrogacy.
Children do not need to cry, to be hurt, to be shamed, or to shout “uncle” in order to learn the lesson you are trying to impart. The discipline (from the Latin root word which means learning or teaching) that is needed should be just that — the lesson that teaches not to do that again. It is a lesson that cultivates self-discipline. Remind yourself that this is an opportunity for you teach and for your child to learn. Often children have to do the wrong thing on their way to doing the right thing. And yes, for that there is a consequence.Let the child know that whatever the behavior was, you are stopping it. Remove the child from the scene of the crime. Say as little as possible. “There is no throwing balls in the living room!” using your low, slow, icy voice. Mean business. Remove and isolate your child to a safe place away from you and the scene. No words. The key is to DISENGAGE. Do not give your attention of any kind, negative or positive. Nothing. When you have both come back to planet Earth, even as long as an hour later depending upon the age of the child (the younger the child, the shorter the time), do your revisit. Have a short, direct conversation (and it may be one-sided) about what happened and what will happen as a result. Remember, parenting by imposing fear is neither healthy nor effective. You and your child need to be on the same team. You are both trying to get him to the same place, the place of making thoughtful, good choices for himself. And the very first chance you get, catch him doing the right thing. Praise works better than punishment and a whole lot better than spanking.
The best way to prevent diaper rash is to keep the diaper area clean and dry. A few simple strategies can help decrease the likelihood of diaper rash developing on your baby’s skin. Change diapers often. Remove wet or dirty diapers promptly. If your child is in child care, ask staff members to do the same. Rinse your baby’s bottom with warm water as part of each diaper change. You can use a sink, tub or water bottle for this purpose. Moist washcloths, cotton balls and baby wipes can aid in cleaning the skin, but be gentle. Don’t use wipes with alcohol or fragrance. If you wish to use soap, select a mild, fragrance-free type. Gently pat the skin dry with a clean towel or let it air dry. Don’t scrub your baby’s bottom. Scrubbing can further irritate the skin. Don’t overtighten diapers. Tight diapers prevent airflow into the diaper region, which sets up a moist environment favorable to diaper rashes. Tight diapers can also cause chafing at the waist or thighs. Give your baby’s bottom more time without a diaper. When possible, let your baby go without a diaper. Exposing skin to air is a natural and gentle way to let it dry. To avoid messy accidents, try laying your baby on a large towel and engage in some playtime while he or she is bare-bottomed. Consider using ointment regularly. If your baby gets rashes often, apply a barrier ointment during each diaper change to prevent skin irritation. Petroleum jelly and zinc oxide are the time-proven ingredients in many diaper ointments. After changing diapers, wash your hands well. Hand-washing can prevent the spread of bacteria or yeast to other parts of your baby’s body, to you or to other children.
Not only is a couple’s perception of time changing, but the actual amount of time that they can choose what to do with decreases tremendously. A couple will have only about one-third as much discretionary time after the baby is born as they had before their first child. With the overwhelming demands of caring for a new baby added to all the requirements of daily living already present, something is going to have to give. And unfortunately, that “something” is usually the marriage, and more specifically —the spouse. After all, isn’t he or she big enough to take care of himself or herself? It is easy to let the other supposedly independent adult in the house take a backseat to the crying baby and just about everything else. The dishes are not going to wash themselves, and the laundry isn’t going to fold itself, but we convince ourselves that the marriage is going to grow itself. Of course, this is not true. We must work on reestablishing priorities. The new stresses that flood into new parents’ lives seem unending. You are now dealing with identifying your new roles as mom and dad. This happens at a time when you most likely had barely gotten the hang of being husband and wife. You are also learning the new skills of infant care and parenting. And you are physically drained by the never-ending need for attention from your little one. All this is mixed with increased conflicts with your spouse over role responsibilities. You may feel a lack of emotional and physical support, and changes in your sexual relationship.
There are two major threats to the marital bond, and they begin in the first quarter of parenting. What are they? Lack of time and lack of energy. There are feelings of grief at a loss of couple time, and feelings of disconnectedness from your spouse. There are also feelings of jealousy about the amount of time and attention baby is receiving, and the loss of energy all cause a great shift in the intimacy pattern. If the couple does not recognize these threats and deal with them openly, they may begin to feel even more isolated from each other. The most changed aspect of the new parents’ lives is the aspect of time. The time available for sleeping, eating, watching television, talking, sex, and even bathroom time seems to have just disappeared. Eating and napping schedules make parents more aware than ever of the clock. This constant awareness tends to make the new parents feel as though time is always running out. You can no longer take things for granted, and what used to come easily now takes more effort than you feel able to give. On the other hand, dad often develops an increased need to feel he is providing adequately for his new family. The responsibilities of finances and job may increase his need for admiration from his wife for the role he is performing. As these emotional needs change, it is essential that you identify them and then talk to your spouse. I have yet to meet the spouse who is a flawless mind reader. If you want your spouse to know that your needs are changing, then say so.
Once the baby arrives, you may ask, “Whatever happened to sleeping in, spontaneity, late-night movies, and holding hands?” Baby happened, that’s what. No matter how much you each wanted this new little bundle of joy, you need to be prepared for rough waters ahead. The changes that occur at the birth of your first child are immeasurable. At some point you will realize that life will never be the same again. This stage includes an emotional roller coaster such as you could never have imagined. You go from the joy of seeing your new creation for the first time to the fear of being inadequate as a parent. You also feel the pride of watching your child develop and learn each new skill to the loneliness of feeling disconnected from your spouse. And on and on the roller coaster goes. This new stage of your relationship requires that you change certain expectations of how much energy you will have at the end of the day for conversation or housework. How you define closeness and intimacy may need to be changed as well. Be aware of changes in your personal emotional needs. Mom often begins to develop an emotional need for family commitment that was not there before. She may need to see her husband actively participating in the parenting. She will feel close to him as she watches him in his role as a father.
If fatigue is what’s keeping you from getting your sex life back, the first thing to do is talk with your partner about it. Tell him, ‘I really am tired, but I want to have sex with you. Then do some creative problem solving. Ask your partner to watch the baby so you can rest up and get into the mood. Also, aim for early morning sex, when you’ve both had a chance to catch some ZZZ’s. Lean on your family or friends or a sitter so you can have some time without the baby. Or give it a shot when Junior is napping. Of course, your baby might wake up at the worst possible moment. While you’re trying to reignite those bedroom flames. That’s why it’s important to have a sense of humor about the whole situation. Remember that it’s not going to last forever. Hormones are part of the sex problem, too. Estrogen levels go down after delivery. That can cause a shortage of vaginal lubrication, which can make sex painful or less pleasurable. A simple solution: Use a topical lubricant during sex. Experiment with different positions, too being on top may allow you more control during penetration. If a lack of lubrication makes sex hurt, or if sex causes pain for a different reason, explain to your partner that you need to take it slowly. Be sure to discuss the pain with your gynecologist. Lubrication issues usually go away after you stop breastfeeding or after your period resumes.
Establishing a routine is one of the most effective breast pumping tips. Pump at the same place, in the same chair, and drink the same beverage. Get your equipment ready in the same way each time; use your mental tricks to relax and pump. This routine conditions your milk ejection reflex. Start at the armpit and use the fingertips of your opposite hand to make small circles on the breast tissue in that one spot. Then move your hand slightly and do it again. Work your way around the breast and gradually down toward the areola in a spiral pattern. (This is similar to the breast exam that you or your doctor use to check for lumps.) Finish the massage with a series of long strokes from the chest wall down to the areola, again working your way around the entire breast. Then massage the other breast. If your milk flow slows down during a pumping session, a few minutes of breast massage is one of the most helpful breast pumping tips that may help get it going again. Drink a couple glasses of water right before pumping. Visualize flowing mountain streams or rivers running toward the ocean as you pump. Or imagine yourself as a fountain of milk–whatever image helps your milk to let down and spray into the pump. Bring along one of your baby’s blankets or a piece of clothing. Enjoy your baby’s smell on the fabric. Call the sitter and find out what your baby is doing right before you pump. To minimize distractions while pumping, try listening to music. You can enjoy your favorite music while you pump, or listen to soothing nature sounds: the ocean, the rain forest, whatever appeals to you.
In general, the longer your supply has been low, the longer it will take to build it back up. Get help early, before weight gain becomes a big concern. In almost all cases, once a healthy baby starts gaining weight, he won’t suddenly start losing it unless there is an underlying medical problem with mom or baby. Take care of yourself. Try to eat well and drink enough fluids. You don’t need to force fluids – if you are drinking enough to keep your urine clear, and you aren’t constipated, then you’re probably getting enough. Drink to thirst, usually 6-8 glasses a day. There is no evidence that drinking extra fluids will ncrease your supply, but it’s important for moms to stay hydrated. Your diet doesn’t have to be perfect, but you do need to eat enough to keep yourself from being tired all the time. It is easy to get so overwhelmed with baby care that you forget to eat and drink enough. Don’t try to diet while you are nursing, especially in the beginning while you are establishing your supply. You need a minimum of 1800 calories each day while you are lactating, and if you eat high quality foods and limit fats and sweets, you will usually lose weight more easily than a mother who is formula feeding, even without depriving yourself. Nurse frequently for as long as your baby will nurse. Try to get in a minimum of 8 feedings in 24 hours, and more if possible.
Am so happy for you Stormy. ART can be expensive and time-consuming, but it has allowed many couples to have children that otherwise would not have been conceived. The most common complication of ART is a multiple pregnancy. This is a problem that can be prevented or minimized by limiting the number of embryos that are transferred back to the uterus. For example, transfer of a single embryo, rather than multiple embryos, greatly reduces the chances of a multiple pregnancy and its risks such as preterm birth. Success rates vary and depend on many factors, including the clinic performing the procedure, the infertility diagnosis, and the age of the woman undergoing the procedure. This last factor—the woman’s age—is especially important. Infertility can be treated with medicine, surgery, intrauterine insemination, or assisted reproductive technology. Often, medication and intrauterine insemination are used at the same time. Doctors recommend specific treatments for infertility on the basis of The factors contributing to the infertility. The duration of the infertility. The age of the female. The couple’s treatment preference after counseling about success rates, risks, and benefits of each treatment option.